I’ve been waiting so long to find this.




at this point I’ve nearly forgotten that pirating movies and software is illegal

I hate living in a small town. Sometimes, you just need to let loose. After six-or-so months of not going out, last weekend I went out clubbing in a short dress and got slightly inebriated, as most 18-year-olds do in this town.

Today, mum comes home from work and says: “The nurses from work saw you out on the weekend. They said your dress was too short.”

Well whooptie-fucking-doo. Of course the fact that I wore a short dress out clubbing as most girls tend to do would come up in casual conversation. 

How does that even come about? How would you bring up a short dress in conversation? “Hey I saw your daughter out on the weekend, her dress was short.” How are you supposed to say that without coming across as a pompous, shallow cow? 

Those nurses are about the same age as I am and I can guarantee that they were wearing short dresses as well. But of course, it’s always about what was wearing. Because unlike them, I’m fat, and apparently a fat girl can’t unashamedly wear a short dress out to the night clubs. 


Jonah Hill & Morgan Freeman


Original Video

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youre not friends if you havent pooped at each others houses

but what if the friend is across the country or in another country?


i made this post over a year ago, and now, in hindsight, i would like to STRONGLY advise against mailing poop to your friend.